Okay so it’s a little past midweek. Things have not gone as planned this week! Not that I should be surprised by this. My Monday bike ride went on as planned and scheduled. Hooray. Then Tuesday while I was out shopping, the company who buries cable lines went ahead and cut ours while burying the neighbors. Yeah. Super. So then Wednesday I had to go to work early and come home early to sit around and wait for the man to come fix our internet and cable. Then while I was at my normal job on Wednesday, the high school called and ask me to sub today.

Monday bike ride, check.  Tuesday…. I walked a lot while shopping and did a bunch of laundry. Does that count for anything? Wednesday FAIL. Today? I am going to take the dogs for a walk I think when the boy leaves for school. There’s just no way I’m going to have time to go to the gym.

Life is always getting in the way. Seriously!

The good news is that I’m doing great with my water this week. Go water! Hope you’re all doing well too.

Wahoo!  It’s the first day of summer and …. day 5 of me being sick.  I have a doctor’s appointment in 3 hours, thank goodness but I am sick of being sick.  Had some good plans for a workout on Friday, but I was sick.  BLAH.  Swollen glands, swollen tonsils, sore throat, lots of coughing, headaches, stuffy head.

The good news is that I’ve been drinking a ton of water!!  I’m not eating great, I’m not eating horrible.  I have no idea if I lost any weight last week as I don’t own scales in my house and obviously I haven’t been to the gym in a while.  I’ll try to check in later this week after I get to feeling better.

Um.  There’s not much else to say.  Sorry I haven’t been around much lately.  Still a lot going on here, which is neither here nor there really.  The stress is getting under control, though, so that’s a positive!

Thanks for all the awesome comments and support from all my Mamavation Moms.  I appreciate each and every one of you!! XOXO

I had a very eye-opening conversation with a good friend, we’ll call her Renee, Monday night.  She gave me permission to blog about our conversation, because it was a deeply personal conversation.  This is a long entry, but you want to read to the end.  I promise.

It started with me doing a Facebook status update about my dinner.  I made Chicken Curry for the first time, and she started asking me about it.  Then it went to how she doesn’t have a lot of skills in the kitchen.  I shared some recipes with her in a Google shared folder.  Next thing I know, we’re talking about how food picky we are, and I was surprised that she doesn’t like cake or pancakes.  Then Renee said to me, “In all honesty, I’ve struggled with an eating disorder since I was 11.  Not cool, but have been doing better the last 2 years.”

Whoah.  I had no idea.  After she said and I had some time to reflect, I guess I shouldn’t be that surprised.  She’s thin.  But I never make assumptions.  I had a friend in high school who hated how thin she was.  She ate and ate and tried to gain weight but couldn’t.  I never pass judgement on “too thin” people anymore.  There are medical conditions that can cause that.

So back to Renee.  She’s proud of the last 2 years of doing better, but she admits she will likely never be healed.  I asked her, if it wasn’t too personal, which ED did she have?  And she said, “for a long time anorexia. then for a bit I dabbled in bulemia. Anorexia is much easier for me to control though.”

Over the last two years, Renee has tried to become more open about talking about her ED.  She says it helps her to be more held more accountable.

Me:  Do you think that has contributed to your being hypoglycemic?
Renee:  It definitely plays a huge roll in my hypoglycemia. If I keep my eating under control though I don’t usually have problems. I have to be very aware of my body and how it feels.
Me:  Let me know if there is ever anything I can do to help.
Renee:  Thanks. Just accountability. Listen for excuses and such if for long periods of time I chose not to eat.
Me:  Define “long period”.
Renee:  A ”long period” would probably be 8-10 hours for me (though we are not usually together for that long) but 3-4 hours is also long since my body will start to feel bad. I try to have a snack every few hours. Anytime I go longer than a day with food deprivation is not a good sign.
Me:  I will try and encourage you to pay attention when we hang out. But I will try not to be pushy or bossy.
Renee:   Thanks Angela. I do appreciate it.  Can I just tell you how much I appreciate being able to tell you that? Well I do!
Me:  I’m glad! I feel honored that you trust me enough.
Renee:  It’s part of the process. Trusting myself to trust others. Self esteem thing ya know…  learning and growing. Gotta do it. The recipies help too. gives me a variety to try from to help me be more comfortable with food.
Me:  I’m happy to help! I didn’t even know it was that much help .
Renee:  It is.  And I love it! It’s been something I’ve always been ashamed to think about or tell people about, that I eat, that is.  So I try to make status updates about food, and have conversations with people about it.  It helps me realize and process that food is OK.  It’s natural, and good for me to eat it.

Is that really any different than how we feel, us who are overweight and trying to lose weight?  This was a very eye-opening comment from Renee that made me think hard about our differences and similarities in our struggles.  Obviously, anorexia is far more severe than say, the emotional eating that I deal with.  My point is, we’re both embarrassed about food and sometimes look at food as the enemy.  Back to the conversation.

Renee:  Sorry if this is kinda an intense topic.
Me:  Not at all hon.
Renee:  Just wanna mak sure my talk isn’t too much.  I try to maintain my weight. Right now, I’m pretty under weight so I try to NOT think about what goes into me too much. I eat McD’s when I want it (which isn’t often) and don’t think about what I’m ordering or the bad things I am taking in.  But I do stick by trying to et as healthy as possible so I can feel good each day.  I need to be hitting the gym to build muscle right now I think. I hate not having the motivation to do it though.  I think some added weight scares me, but I know gaining muscle would be healthy.
Me:  It’s hard to be motivated. I know that as well as anyone.  And yeah..the same thing for me! I don’t want added weight, but I want to be strong!  Do you have an idea of what your ideal weight is? Not what YOU think, but medically what is ideal?
Renee:  Medically I should be at 140. As of this morning I was 127.
Me:  That would be some amazing muscle to get you to 140. You’d be so hot!! Not that you aren’t now, of course, but nice toned muscles are sexy.
Renee:  LOL for sure. I’d love to have some firece arms and abs. Legs are alright.
Me:  Don’t take this wrong. Please. I love having this open conversation with you, but it feels so backwards!! LOL I’m trying to lose weight and trying to encourage you about gaining healthy weight.
Renee:   Is it hard for you?
Me:  I’m so happy to help you in any way at all.  We have the same goals heading in different directions.  Being healthy, eating healthy, and having a healthy relationship with food. I’m an emotional eater. I have to remember that food does not make me feel better.
Renee:  Right. I have many friends who are in the same boat as you. My husband included. Some have made the coice to not be in a position to help me, and I get that completely. Its something very hard for me and others to deal with.
Me:  I got your back sister.
Renee:  Well thank you. And I have yours as well. I hope you know that. I try very hard to forget about my food relationship and encourage others in their goals.
Me:  I think you and I can really help each other.
Renee:  I’d definitely have to agree with you on that.
Me:  Do you mind if I blog about you, but of course I won’t use your name at all. This is a good conversation for me to share with my other weight loss friends.
Renee:  Oh sure. That’s fine.
Me:  Thank you. I think it will be good for others to consider another perspective. I think sometimes us overweight girls take for granted that we are the only ones struggling with food and our weight sometimes, you know what I mean?
Renee:  You’re right. People with eating disorders can be very hard to understand whether it’s over eating or starvation. Not everyone can grasp it, so it’s good to hear about it since they are so “secretive”.  I’m so glad we can have this conversation.

Me too.  I learned a lot from this short conversation, and think Renee and I have a lot more to learn from each other.  After this part of the conversation she expressed how much better she was feeling, and our talk gave her some motivation to head to the gym and work on putting on those muscles.  I gave her some advice that was given to me to take in some lean protein shortly after a lifting session to help rebuild the muscle tissue more quickly.  She thanked me for the tip and said, “keep sharing with me. I love the help!”

I will, my friend.  I will.  I am looking forward to have more open conversations with Renee, and have a feeling that we have found a big reason why we were brought together as friends.  It saddens me that she has “friends” who won’t talk to her about her anorexia, who won’t listen.  I am not envious of her being thin, I am not envious that she can avoid food.

You never know who needs you out there.  You never know what the “skinny” person at the gym is going through.  I encourage you not to pass judgement, but reach out.  Be a friend.  Listen.  Learn.

Hi ladies.  I have a few confessions to make.  I fell off the wagon and gained a few pounds back.  I’m still under 180 which is great in the big picture.  I needed help and was ashamed to ask for it.  Ashamed to ask for help when I haven’t been around to even be supporting the rest of you.  Ashamed that I was feeling like a bad Sista and I didn’t deserve to be called a Sista.  Sometimes I don’t feel like I deserve to be in the Sistahood at all.  Enough of that, time to move on.

My life has been very busy lately, it’s been hard to make time for everything I want to achieve in a day, hard to make time for blogs and twitter.  I’ve been working more, busy in the evenings with obligations and not home on the weekends for almost a whole month.  I feel squashy.

Monday came around and this beauty showed up for me in a big box from the man in brown.

I wrote a bit about our maiden voyage on Friday.  It’s been rainy since, so we haven’t yet gone on another adventure together, but Monday is looking pretty good and I don’t have to work.  Not at my job anyway.

So now I’m a PetSaver instructor (pet first aid and CPR) and I need somewhere to teach my classes.  It seemed like a good idea to ask my contact over at the YMCA in my area.  Although it won’t work out for me to hold my classes there, I was asked to write a testimonial for the annual report.  WHOAH!!  That’s freaking cool, and offers me a lot of accountability right now.  This is just what I needed to help me get back on track since I was too much of a chicken to reach out to the Sistahood.

Balance.  I still continue to struggle with balancing my life, but I will try and figure it out.  Planning is going to be essential.  I’ve made a proposal to my friends at the YMCA which I’m not going to talk about right now.  But it will provide me with huge amounts of accountability if it works out.  Plus you’ll hear me talking about the Y tons more if this works out, too.

I have a lot of catching up to do, so I really would love for you to leave a comment and let me know how you’re doing.  And please accept my apologies for my absence lately.

Here’s looking forward to a great show tomorrow evening, all about plateaus!  That should come in handy for me right now.  I am working on getting past this “mental” plateau.  Ha.  Can’t wait to hear how our Mamavation Moms are doing on their campaign!

What’s happening out there with you today?  I was so tired when I did my post last night, I hardly remember what I wrote!

I was originally supposed to work today, however that was changed at the last minute when I was working yesterday.  The joys of subbing!  I actually really like subbing; the flexibility is awesome.  So instead of working, I worked out!  I went over to the neighbor’s house and we did the “Start it Up” portion of the Slim in 6 series from Beachbody.  It’s a 24 minute aerobic workout with push-ups and sit-ups too.  Then we decided to also the the “Slim & Limber” portion which is a lot of yoga type stretching.  I’m feeling pretty good.

Food journal.  I need to keep one.  Does anyone know a good android app for that?  Yesterday I did great.  Breakfast: whole grain english muffin, half slice cheese, poached egg, banana, glass oj, coffee.  Lunch: 160 calorie can of soup w/ lots of veggies, yogurt, Clementine.  Dinner: orzo, chicken, garlic, tomatoes and spices.  I also drank my full 8 glasses of water.  I’m VERY pleased with this day, except that I was missing a healthy afternoon snack.  I need to get some at the store.  I am open to ideas.  I’ll post what I eat today in tomorrow’s post.  I think that will work good for me.  Admitting out loud what I eat will help keep me in check.  I threw the stoopid cookies in the garbage today.  Don’t tell my son.

My confidence (not arrogance) is going through the roof.  I am working out more consistently than I ever have before.  Food is always a work in progress.  And my goals are in sight.  My goals have never been in sight before.

I owe a lot to my sister  for getting me started on this amazing journey.  You can read all about her here: Bodhi Bear.  She’s an amazing woman, and I’m SO glad that my brother married her.  She’s technically my sister-in-law but I don’t feel right calling her that.  We have an amazing relationship and a very strong bond.  She’s my sister.

My Mamavation thing is going good, I think.  I’ve been made a Sista.  I know that I mentioned that last night, but it is a big deal to me.  It has been recognized that I am changing my bad habits into good ones, and trying to help other moms too, while also asking for help for myself.  We are all in this together.  What I learn from my Fit Friends, I am going to share with my neighbor.  She’s my workout partner most of the time and she’s fighting with me.  I’ll share with anyone else who wants my help, too.

Watch out summer!! I’m going to be a new woman by the time you arrive.  My lake friends are going to be amazed and ask me how I did it.  They will notice, without a doubt, that I am healthier and hawtter.  Yeah.  I said hawt..ter.  I’m actually looking forward to shopping for a swimsuit this summer.

Never give up.  Talk about losing weight in the present, not the future.  Talk about the changes you’re making, not the ones you want to make.

Come support me on twitter @angelasue79 join the mamavation team.  It’s not just for people trying to lose weight, but we always need the help of those who have already succeeded as well!  If you believe in me, be sure to tweet: Hey @bookieboo I want @angelasue79 as the next #mamavation mom! I support her!

Yesterday afternoon the high school called me and asked if I could work today.  Sure!  I’d love to!  I’m so tired now, but I really wanted to get a blog in before I go to bed in… oh… 12 minutes.

Mamavation on MomTV was interesting last night.  Funny, too.  I was asked to explain what I will do if I don’t make the top 2 moms.  I will do what I am doing now.  I will work with myself, I will commit to making this my year.  I have 2 “Fit Friends” lined up  and I have asked them to remain my “Fit Friends” even if I don’t “need” them for the Mamavation Campaign.  My local FF came over today and we talked about my goals, what I like to do at the gym, and what I need to work on.  She is helping me out by putting a few workout schedules together for me, and hopefully later this week we will go to the gym together and she will show me how to use some of the machines that have been intimidating to me in the past.  I am going to continue to support the other moms that I am coming to know now.  This is, of course, as my schedule allows.  I am a substitute teacher’s aide for my son’s school system and often have no idea I am working until 6:30 that same day.  This is a little challenge that I am hoping my fit friends and mamavation friends can help me out with.  I ate great today, so I am proud of myself for that.

Now.. what will I do if I DO WIN a Mamavation Mom spot?  OH! I’m going to blow your socks off!  I’m going to blast away pounds and so is my hubby!  He said, “I hope you win.  I’ve been wanting a treadmill.”  We have agreed that he will only play video games while walking on the treadmill (this is many hours a week).  We have a friend who was successful in losing a lot of weight by doing this.  I want to see my husband slim down a bit.  I worry about him.  Winning wouldn’t just benefit me.

Either way, I am going to succeed.  I would just succeed a lot faster as a Mamavation Mom.  There are so many amazing moms applying, it’s going to be a tough choice for Chief Mom.  But I trust her to choose the right women, whoever they are.  Who am I to say who needs it most, or who would succeed at it best, or who needs to build some confidence first and apply again next time.

Family.  Dogs.  Work.  Cleaning.  Exercise.  Friends.  Social Networking.  And now I’m in the Sistahood!  I don’t know exactly how I am going to balance all of these aspects of my life, but I will do it.  I love being involved in so many things.  Time management will be key.

I’m a Sista!  I motivate, inspire, encourage, and support.  If I’ve inspired you or motivated you in some way, please leave me a comment and let me know how.  I want to keep doing that right!

I continue to ask for your support in my journey.  My support network is ever-growing and means the world to me.  It is because of all of you that I know I will succeed.

I leave you with this quote: Yoga yoga bo boga, banana nana fo foga, mi my mo moga, YOGA!  I love yoga.  Fifteen minutes or an hour.  It doesn’t matter.  Yoga makes me feel strong and relaxed.  Ready to face anything.

Who’s excited for Mondays?  Mamavation Moms are!!  Heck yeah!  Go Monday! I’m all sick and stuffy with a sinus infection, so I’m not doing a vlog today.  You don’t want to hear me like this, if you’d even be able to understand me in the first place.

My successes this week… I’ve never worked out so consistently before.  Of course, I also didn’t work at all last week.  I was successful in getting my blog going, submitting my Mamavation Application, and tweeting daily with my new friends.  I learned that I inspired a few friends.  That’s an amazing feeling.  Had a friend ask for some accountability.

I am hoping that with work starting up, I am still able to continue working out regularly.  This is a big fear, a big concern I have.  I run my household, the cooking, cleaning, grocery shopping, just about everything.  We were all on vacation last week.  I finally got up the courage to workout with my husband and son at home.  I did actually say, “go to another room. Don’t look at me.  I’m embarrassed.”  But at least that was a first step, and if I can continue to say that, hopefully I will keep up on workouts at home, when they are home.

This week’s FAIL:  Christmas cookies, chocolate presents, and sinus infection.  I admit there was one day that I was just too sore to workout.  My family knows me well and got me my favorite M&M’s for stocking stuffers, and I have been unable to resist.  I think I am going to put the rest of the cookies in the freezer.  Or garbage.  I don’t know.  I’m an overeater with a nasty sweet tooth.  I am a constant work in progress.  I am currently more committed to weight loss than I have ever been, and I feel confident that with lots of practice, hard work, and support I can overcome my poor eating habits.  I am putting the rest of the chocolate away in the freezer.

I won’t completely deprive myself.  Deprivation, for me, always leads to failure.  I just need to work on portion control.  I am working on it, but I need help!

Today, I just went for a 2 mile walk in the “feels like 13″ weather with snow and everything.  It was a little challenging for me, as I am getting over some sinus crud.  But I did it! I may have some yoga after I cool down a little.

Also, I want to be a Sista!  I hope I’m doing everything right.  I think we all know that I REALLY want to be a Mamavation Mom, selected for the campaign.  But if I don’t make it, that’s okay.  I’m sticking with this either way.  You girls are already helping me, and I want to give back.  I want to help you. I am pledging my support!!

As always, if you believe in me please tweet: Hey @bookieboo! I want @angelasue79 to be the next mamavation mom! She has my support!

Learn more about what I am doing at Mamavation and meet other moms on the same journey.

I am looking forward to some live chat tonight on MomTV at 10pm EST. Thanks and have a great Mamavation Monday!

WHAT?! How can I possibly be glad about gaining 2 pounds, you ask? Why because I am clever enough to not use only the scales as my measurement of success.

I gained 2 pounds.  I lost an ENTIRE inch off my waist and a half inch off my hips and gained no inches anywhere else.  Armed with this information, I feel comfortable stating that it is most likely that every pound I gained was in pure muscle.  Pure muscle!  How much fat did I have to lose for that many inches to be gone and 2 pounds of muscle to be gained?  I have no idea, but it must be a fairly good amount.  The more muscle you have, the more calories you burn even when doing nothing.  So yes, I’m actually happy that I gained 2 pounds and lost 1.5 inches off my middle.

This is an example of WHY just going by the scales is a huge, huge mistake.  You have got to find more than one way to measure your success.  If you don’t have a soft cloth tape measure, they are something like $2.00 at the department store.  Go get one.  It could save your attitude for the rest of the week.

For those of you who are just now beginning to workout, never done it before, it is important to remember that you don’t very likely have much muscle mass.  There is a fair chance that you will technically gain weight, pounds, before you lose it.  Take measurements of critical points (hips, waist, thighs) before you begin your new workout routine.  Keep a spreadsheet with the numbers and dates in it.  Mine consists of “start”, “last”, and “current”.  I don’t save every measurement date.  I have set up my spreadsheet to automatically tell me the total number of inches I have lost.  So far since March I have lost a total of 12 inches measuring from 5 points on my body.  I encourage you to keep track of your progress not only in pounds, but also in inches.

I love my Mamavation team.  Check out the hype at http://www.mamavation.com and http://www.bookieboo.com.  Join us on twitter with the hashtag #mamavation, follow me @angelasue79 and post the following tweet if you believe in me:   Hey @bookieboo! I want @angelasue79 to be the next#Mamavation Mom. She has my support!

I couldn’t be this far in my journey without the support of my friends.  Thank you all so much, and thank you to those of you who are just joining me.

It’s done! Finally!  After hours upon hours of brainstorming, writing, recording, deleting, recording, deleting and recording again, some more editing, and deleting, and rearranging.  My video application to be a Mamavation Mom is complete.

This has been a long journey for me which started in March 2009 on SparkPeople.com.  I have faced stress, frustrating plateaus, lack of knowledge, and more stress.  You’d think after 9 months I would have lost more than 20 pounds.  There’s not a lot of accountability on SP, and I think that is something that has been seriously lacking in my journey.  Accountability is something that Mamavation will provide for me.

I’ve spent a lot of time analyzing my situation, what I do wrong, and what I do right.  I’m an overeater.  I love chocolate.  I am not very active.  Again, these are all things that I know Mamavation can help me with.

I spent a lot of time thinking about the way I speak.  I used to always talk about what I wished was different, what I wanted to do.  I read a book (Burn the Fat, Feed the Muscle by Tom Venuto) that informed me this is all wrong.  With a great deal of effort I have changed the way I think and talk.  I want to lose weight. I am losing weight.  I should exercise more. I am exercising.  I wish I was only 140 pounds. I am reaching my goals.  I no longer speak in the future; it is all about the present.  Changing this way of thinking has completely changed my attitude.

We were watching one of the “Star Wars” movies today.  Luke Skywalker said to Yoda after he recovered his fighter from the swamp, “I don’t believe it.”  Yoda simply replied, “That is why you fail.”  That is so true.  You must believe that you can lose weight if you want to succeed.  Wishing, hoping, and wanting are simply not enough.  I believe I can.  I know I can.  I know I am.

Mamavation will simply help me achieve my goals much more quickly.  If I am selected as a Mamavation Mom, I know that during my 7 weeks, I will develop permanent habits that have been lacking from my routine.  And I know that I will continue to strive towards my final goal even after the 7 weeks have ended.

My hand, my story, will reach as far as the internet will allow so that I may help many other moms achieve the same success.  Not only will I share my blogs and videos, but I will provide support and motivation to everyone I can.  This is a difficult journey, and I hope to be able to help other Moms through their journeys as well with my struggles and success.

I’ve been working on my Mamavation application off an on all morning.  I’m so excited about this, even if I am not selected.  Maybe just preparing myself for the commitment will help my journey in general.  The questions to be answered on the application are: “Why do you want to be the next Mamavation Mom AND what will YOU do to inspire other moms online?”  Wow.  That might not sound like much to those who aren’t dedicated to losing weight and haven’t really thought about the reasons for doing it.  I don’t just want to look good.  There’s so much more to it for me.

Losing weight to look good is great and all, especially considering that I spend half my summer at the lake in the bathing suit for everyone to see.  Sure.  But I’m an aunt with two more babies on the way.  I plan to be involved in their lives and I want to be able to keep up.  Come summer I may be having another trip to Colorado to visit my brother and sister (in law).  I’m sure at some point Terry will take me back to the mountains for a hike.  Come summer, I’d love to be able to run and really play soccer with my son in the yard.  I have hopes and dreams far beyond looking better and wearing smaller clothes.

For the first time in my life, I’m finally completely committed to this journey.  I know success is just around the corner.