We are our own worst critic. Always. Especially women. TV and magazines, blah blah blah. Yes we know they don’t help. I wanted to get real with you. Many days I have a TERRIBLE body image, my outter-self image, so to speak. I’m overweight, I’m a grown ass adult and I still get zits (what’s up with that?), and .. well yeah. I have a lazy eye sometimes. That’s kind of annoying when I notice it in pictures. And did I mention that I’m overweight?

SO WHAT!?!?! I hit one of those mirrors recently where there’s a mirror behind you and you can see your back. Damn, my hair is pretty. And it got me to thinking . o O ( Can I spend a little more time focusing on what I do like about myself? ) Yes. Yes, I can. It is so important to find a few positive things about yourself and focus on those for a while. Then work on the things you don’t like, if you can. I mean after a nine pound child, can I ever have a perfect, flat, smooth stomach? Nope. Not without the help of surgery. But is there something I can do about it? Sure.

For those of you who don’t know, I’m going to be the Best Woman in a wedding in December. Right now, I’m not focused on losing weight. I already have my dress and it can’t be altered a whole lot. But I am working on being healthier, and that starts with the way I think about myself.

 My hair. It’s kind of awesome. If it weren’t my hair, I’d be pretty jealous ofme. I’m not saying you should think that my hair is amazing, all that really matters is I find something to love about my appearance. My hair is first. I love the natural waves. I love the color. I love the way the layers work with my face.

So that’s a good start, right? Let’s examine a little further. There’s got to be something more than just my hair. Oh duh. I, personally, think my dimples are cute. I inherited those from my dad, so they are also rather sentimental to me. I got what I wanted an awful lot as a child thanks to those dimples! Things might not be so different now.

While we’re staring at my face, and please ignore the shiny skin. This is Keeping it Real, no make-up, nothing. Just me….. how about those eyes? They sure are dark! Not too bad looking. I can be pretty happy with my eyes. I like dark eyes (also from my dad). And I’d never want a nose-job. I have a good nose. Not too small, not too round, not too flat.

My next favorite asset would be my legs. For a girl my size (14-16), I have damn nice legs (I think, and that’s what we’re discussing here.

Okay… Please ignore the background. Please ignore that little dust bunny under my bed. What I see here are pretty muscular and toned legs. Not much for cellulite going on there, no cottage cheese, so to speak. I um.. didn’t take a picture of the unflattering part where my thighs rub together when I walk.. no. I didn’t do that because I’m focusing on what I like. I am not embarrassed to wear shorts in the summer.

Check me out. I have some assets. I’m not fishing for compliments. I already like these things about me. The question is: How about you? I want you to comment on this blog and tell me only something positive that you like about the way you look. I want you to promise me that if you can’t think of anything right now, you’ll spend a little time over the next week finding something to love when you look in the mirror. Promise?

A healthy body starts with a healthy mind. Oohhh I like that.

This morning I knew I wanted to write a blog post, but I wasn’t sure on a topic. Rain canceled my plans with my dad today, so I decided to do a yoga DVD from Rodney Yee and Gaiam. Just after completing the workout, it hit me. Yoga is my topic.

The Beginning

Yoga for me began in 2009 when I visited my brother and sister-in-law in Boulder. At the time, my sis was still working on obtaining her teacher certificate. I had said that I would like to do a yoga session with her during my visit, and thus began my journey. What I loved, other than having a bonding moment with my brother’s wife, was how I felt energize and yet relaxed at the same time. I was sore for days. Proof of a great workout!

Upon returning to Indiana, I signed up for a Hatha Yoga class at my local YMCA and loved it. I loved it so much, I went on a quest for a DVD so I could practice at home. My decision was a Gaiam DVD featuring Rodney Yee. It provided me with the detailed instruction that I needed as well as two short workouts on one DVD to keep me interested.

And then I began having trouble with pain in my arms, and sort of set yoga aside. That was a mistake.

The Injury

In October of 2011 (almost a year ago), I’d begun to have a little pain in my back and didn’t think much of it until I sneezed one day. This was garage cleaning day for me. I wasn’t lifting anything. I wasn’t carrying anything. I was just standing, and I sneezed. It felt like a nuclear bomb went off in my mid-lower back. If you’ve been there, you know where this is heading. The next day I was sitting in the chiropractor’s office hearing him tell me about a disc problem. A herniated disc problem. My world came slightly crashing down around me. Okay, that’s a little dramatic. All my workouts stopped. Walking practically stopped. Sitting hut. Laying hurt. Standing hurt. I was miserable and feeling sorry for myself. Guess what? I’m an emotional eater. I gained back 20 pounds.

The Recovery

My chiropractor made a lot of money off of me over the months following my nuclear explosion, I mean herniated disc. He had me doing therapy at home on top of my regular visits. It began to hit me that many of the exercises he had me doing were yoga. Why don’t I get back into yoga? I’d heard of something called Restorative Yoga before. I didn’t know much about it, but it sounded like something that might be right for me. I was sort of right. After a bit of searching around, I located my yoga teacher from the YMCA and we began to have some one-on-one sessions following the regular class. She gave a lot of attention to my back during class to make sure I didn’t hurt myself further. So the injury was in October, and now in May I really started to feel great again. My daily pain was manageable before that, but adding in the personalized yoga instruction made the pain disappear. For the first time in months I was finally pain free.

Now I find myself wanting to dive a little further into yoga. Not just my practice, but my education, the philosophy. What exactly are the Chakras? What is the meaning behind this word Namaste. And how the heck to you pronounce all that stuff? A good friend of mine gave me a great gift for my birthday! A little book called “Yoga Chick – A Hip Guide to Everything Om”, which I am starting to read today. I think this will be a good read for me as it sounds like it is from a beginner’s perspective. She also gave me a three-pack of DVDs from Gaiam. It’s a great set with three separate 30 minute workouts: Abs, Upper Body, and Lower Body. I did the abs this morning, because that is also good for my back. I am looking forward to trying the other two DVDs over the next couple of days!

How has yoga helped you with your fitness, health, or injury rehabilitation? What are your favorite DVDs or books that you recommend?

A couple of weeks ago, I wasn’t feeling well. Nothing major, it was just some digestive issues (I’ll spare you the details) that persisted for more than 48 hours. My logic was, “if my son was having these problems for over 48 hours, I would take him to the doctor. I should offer myself the same care and concern.” So I went to the doctor. She wanted to do a blood test. And another test. I thought the other was …. not something I wanted to do. I did let her do the blood test and she gave me a prescription which cleared up the problem.

After two and a half weeks you start thinking . o O (No news is good news. Everything must be fine. I sure would have heard from the doctor by now if there was a problem a with my blood test. Groovy.) Written off. Everything is fine. Then the doctor’s office called yesterday, “we received your blood test results. Your thyroid levels are low. We’d like to do a more extensive blood test to examine your levels.” Oh. Well. That’s. Sure. Unexpected news. It could be worse.

Thyroid problems, in general, are easily diagnosed and remedied.  I don’t mind needles. It’s really not a big deal, but damn, I just had got it in my mind they weren’t going to call! And then they call! I’m frustrated! It’s also frustrating because I have been through thyroid testing before. Now my memory is foggy but it was either 2004 or 2005 (I think). We’d gotten a gym membership and I was working out and eating great and didn’t lose a single pound. So I asked the doctor about it, and he did the blood test. It came back abnormal. We did another test. It was also abnormal. It showed that I had both an overactive and underactive thyroid, which is pretty confusing. So then we moved on to the radioactive pill and uptake scan. Very expensive. And it showed a normal functioning thyroid. The specialist said, “I can tell you with confidence that when your blood test was done, something was wrong with your thyroid. I can also tell you with confidence that it is not wrong right now. I’m sorry I don’t have any answers for you. Sometimes the thyroid gets out of line and self-corrects. If it’s been off before, it will probably happen again, so call me if you notice any symptoms.”

I’m not interested in going through all that BS again. However, if the thyroid isn’t functioning properly, it can really screw up your body. So here we go again. But hey.. it could be worse.

Alright so I made it to the gym yesterday, which is a little bit of a miracle. We are heading out of town on Friday and I really have a lot to do to get ready. Hopefully I will also go this evening and maybe tomorrow morning, but that’s a little up in the air. I have to be flexible with my schedule this week, and allergy headaches have been BAD.

Back to my point… I went to the gym yesterday. I have been avoiding the scales as I really didn’t want to know the damage I’ve done, but then again it’s sort of impossible to track my progress if I don’t know where I am. So I stepped on them ready to walk away with determined tears. Instead it turned out to be, “Oh! That’s not as bad as I thought.”

It’s bad, but I expected worse. I’ve gained back 12 pounds. That’s a lot but manageable. I can do this. The weekend will be rough with the trip and all; there will be eating out. And probably some drinking. So I’m not going to weigh in again for about 2 weeks. I’m not thrilled about the idea of bringing home smelly gym clothes, but our hotel claims to have an exercise room, I might use it. We shall see how brave I am.

Here’s the sad thing, I don’t plan to eat well on the trip. I don’t… want to. Honestly we are heading to Buffalo, NY and I keep hearing about this restaurant or that restaurant with the amazing food and I want to enjoy it. And that’s all. I’ll eat great today and tomorrow, packing good food for the actual 8 hour car ride, and I’ll just get right back at it on Tuesday. That’s my plan.

What do you do when you go on vacation to somewhere you’ve never been? Do you plan to indulge or make a great effort to continue your regular healthy eating plan? Or do you mix it up and do a little of both?

So earlier this week, on the 22nd to be exact, I was really angry at myself. Angry that I haven’t been good to myself, I haven’t been as good a friend I want to be, nor have I been as good a part-time house wife as I could. I made some promises: to move more (exercise), to drink more water, to eat better, to stay up on my friends’ blogs, to manage my time better, to get back on the ball with my house. I don’t promise to become perfect overnight, but I promise to do better. I will live like the person I want to be.

How have I done? Well to be honest, pretty good. I got Google Reader up and going again and I’ve been reading blogs and commenting. Of course, I don’t have everyone on there, but this is a baby steps program for me. I feel a little bit like I know my friends better. My blogging friends, anyway. I’ve done better with water, most days. I’ve been eating better. I’ve been exercising more. My living room, kitchen, and master bathroom are extremely clean.

I’m pretty proud of myself. I’m living more like the person I want to be. And it feels great.

That is all.

Okay so I made some really bad food choices over the last few days. Not that I’ve been making such great ones lately in general, but I felt awful after what I ate last night. Just awful. Now I wake up this morning just plain mad and disgusted with myself. Seriously, I had lost 30 pounds and look at me. Just look at me. I have gained most of it back. I’m so angry and ashamed. Yes fine it’s not my fault I hurt my back, but that shouldn’t have been an excuse to eat like crap. I could have still been eating well even if I couldn’t do much for exercise. But I didn’t. I didn’t eat smart.

Why is it so hard for me? My schedule changes and the routine falls apart. My back hurts and I don’t want to make it hurt more. Well I’ve decided that I just need to get over it. I’ll deal with some pain and not push too hard, but I have to do something. I can’t be this fat person. I just can’t. I hate looking in the mirror, I miss the way I looked when I was 176 pounds. I need to turn this disgust with myself into motivation. If I did it once, I can do it again, right?

I have this amazing network of people, Mamavation, and I’m ashamed to even show my face. I hide when things start to go downhill. What’s the point in that? How does that do me any good? Why should I expect others to support me when I’m not so good with consistency myself? What kind of an example am I setting? My word.. how lame am I?

So. I’m done whining. Now I have to figure out how I’m going to do this again. How am I going to change my eating habits again? How am I going to keep my family interested in meals? How do I get my husband on board? He needs to lose a lot more than I do. It feels like I’m the only one worried about his health and that scares me.

Well. It’s back to the drawing board. What to eat. When and how to exercise. Time to plan. I’m done venting now. I just have to do this, and so I am.

**Afternoon update

Yeah so I got pretty mad at myself. Obviously. I went to the YMCA and sweat it off and thought a lot. Today I promise: to move more (exercise), to drink more water, to eat better, to stay up on my friends’ blogs, to manage my time better, to get back on the ball with my house. I don’t promise to become perfect overnight, but I promise to do better. I will live like the person I want to be.

I measured my tortellini and pesto and followed it up with fresh carrots and cucumbers for lunch. I’ve had over 40 oz of water (so far). At the gym I spent 40 minutes on the arc trainer. And now I’m going to get off here and do some chores. Today is a new day.

I’ve got that song from “Finding Nemo” stuck in my head. Remember Dory singing, “just keep swimming, just keep swimming,” and so on. It’s like that except I’m trying to remind myself to keep moving.

Now that I’m over the initial week of EA Sports Active 2, the crazy soreness has subsided and I’m actually able to move the day after my workout. So M, W, F, SA are EA Sports days while TU, TH are YMCA cardio days. I plan to possibly “rest” on Sundays.

After my first week and a half…well…I gained 2 pounds. That’s pretty frustrating. There’s a really good chance that it’s just all muscle gain as I have been noticing more solidity to my body (less squish, more solid means less fat, more muscle). I’m not sure how much “fat” I’ve lost, but I’m pretty sure it’s been replaced two fold with muscle. My muscles tend to rebound fairly quickly after a period of inactivity.

I’ve been afraid to take my measurements. I used to do that every couple of weeks, however when I started gaining weight again I stopped. Now I’m afraid to see how many inches have returned. On the other hand, if I don’t suck it up and do it, I will have a more difficult time tracking my real progress. Argh! I need to get over it.

My next challenge is always the worst for me. Calorie counting. I hate doing it. I hate how time consuming it is. I hate how it makes me feel even more consumed with food. What would be ideal is a chef in my kitchen making me food to eat. “Here, eat this and it’s all you get.” No time, effort, or thought on my part. It doesn’t help that I’m a moderately picky eater with even more picky eaters in my house. While I love myself and my family, I’m not preparing two different dinners for us every day. Our budget is another problem.

Eating healthier is more expensive and January and February are rough months for us since our health insurance company decided that we need to meet deductibles on our prescriptions now! OUCH! All three of us have necessary monthly prescriptions and they are quite expensive. I know if I devote a little a time to it, I can come up with something though. Mostly I’m just whining. Sometimes it feels good to whine and get things off my mind.

I can do this. I am doing this. I am succeeding. I’ve done it before and I am doing it again NOW. Well really it started a week ago.

What are your favorite family pleasing healthy meals?

When I talk about balance, I’m not exactly referring to the physical kind.  Maybe you wonder where I’ve been since August, maybe you didn’t notice I was gone.  I was finding life to be overwhelming and something had to give.  It’s unfortunate that I had to take a break from anything, but twitter, Mamavation, and my blog were the things I chose to move to the back burner.

I was not completely sedentary during my time off, don’t get me wrong.  My tendinitis in my right forearm and then the subsequent blowing out of a disc in my low back had me down and out.  Wah, wah.  Life is hard sometimes.  Things happen beyond our control.  My chiropractor did well for my back, and eventually we gave up on physical therapy for the arm.  A little over a month ago they gave me a cortisone shot which has been a blessing.  There is now very little to no pain at all in my arm!  Woo hoo!!

Now while my back and arm were causing me problems, the house became a serious issue.  Bending, stooping, pushing the vacuum, washing heavy dishes (like my big skillet or crock-pot) are simple tasks we take for granted on a day-to-day basis, believe me. The bottom of the washing machine, the bottom rack of the dishwasher, and picking things up off the floor were nearly impossible or crazy painful for my back.  I thought hard about my home and the kind of keeper of it I am. The answer: not great.  My house wasn’t dirty, but it wasn’t tidy, organized, or picked up.

Enter FlyLady.  What’s FlyLady?  Learning to FLY.  ”Finally Loving Yourself.”  It’s learning how to balance life a bit including maintaining the home.  This. Is. Great.  I am so glad that a friend of mine shared this website with me.  I was suffering from CHAOS (Can’t Have Anyone Over Syndrome) but my house has been mostly presentable and nice since a few weeks before Christmas.

Now I am trying to re-implement fitness into my daily schedule as I also return to my job.  That’s all I went to blog about today.  Clean home, planned meals, fitness, job, happy family.  I know these things come easy to other moms, but doing it all is something I struggle with.  Then the first thing to take the backseat is always ME when things get hectic.  This is where I fail!

Balance.  Accountability.  Routine. I can do this.

How do you balance life and still find time for yourself and fitness?

Goodbye 2010.  Hello 2011.  I’m not a supporter of New Years Resolutions, really.  I make a resolution when I see fit.

Speaking of fit, I know I’ve been gone a while but here I am.  The end of summer 2010 brought a tremendous amount of stress, some emotional eating, some “screw it” attitude.  Then October brought me a herniated disc.  Hello PAIN!!

So the stress is gone.  The back is healed.  I’m ready and rearing to go.  Isn’t that what “they” say?

My super awesome husband ordered in EA Sport Active 2 on the playstation3 for us.  My EA Sports Active id is angelasue79 and I’d love to connect with you!  The box arrived this evening and I wasted no time getting started.  I signed up for the 9 week challenge and completed workout 1 tonight.  Due to my back injury I am keeping it on the “easy” level here for a while and I am going to play it by ear as far as ramping up the workout goes.  The absolute last thing I want to do is re-injure my back.  So I am not going to pressure myself too much but I am going to do the recommended workouts on the recommended days and also supplement that with my YMCA workouts as well.

Oh so I’m back up to 188 pounds.  This is a bit of an UGH but it’s still an overall loss of 19 and I can’t see how that is disappointing at all.  I’m staying positive and getting back on track.

Just for the record, I didn’t do anything stupid to earn my herniated disc.  I was standing still and I sneezed.  Sneeze cautiously, my friends… sneeze cautiously.

How are you doing with your weight loss goals and WHAT are you doing to achieve your goals?  Remember to set short-term goals to keep yourself focused now.

XOXO

Okay so it’s a little past midweek. Things have not gone as planned this week! Not that I should be surprised by this. My Monday bike ride went on as planned and scheduled. Hooray. Then Tuesday while I was out shopping, the company who buries cable lines went ahead and cut ours while burying the neighbors. Yeah. Super. So then Wednesday I had to go to work early and come home early to sit around and wait for the man to come fix our internet and cable. Then while I was at my normal job on Wednesday, the high school called and ask me to sub today.

Monday bike ride, check.  Tuesday…. I walked a lot while shopping and did a bunch of laundry. Does that count for anything? Wednesday FAIL. Today? I am going to take the dogs for a walk I think when the boy leaves for school. There’s just no way I’m going to have time to go to the gym.

Life is always getting in the way. Seriously!

The good news is that I’m doing great with my water this week. Go water! Hope you’re all doing well too.